How I need to shift my focus from simply "not doing" the thing I was addicted to, but I needed to focus on WHY I did it and take care of that.
A comment from a friend awhile back kinda kick-started this. "[You turn to addictions] in response to your own internal brokenness and unfulfilled needs."
And God has been using that to show me how I need to let Him heal that brokenness instead of hating myself for doing the things I really didn't want to. For awhile I resisted...I just couldn't break down my "tough" walls to let Him in. I didn't want to give Him control of me...I didn't want to let go. Then something that I read last night depicted Jesus as asking me to let Him heal me. And then I just broke down. I wanted healing more than anything else...more than control; more than being "tough". So I cried out to Him. I wrote "letters" (that I don't intend to ever send) to everyone who's hurt me in some way. I wrote down what they'd done. And I wrote that I forgive them. The longest one was too...myself. I finally forgave myself rather than simply hating myself. And then I just prayed for healing. Peace flowed in, and joy.
But, as we all know, forgiveness and healing is a journey...and I see it won't be an easy journey. With Jesus leading me, I shall win!
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