'Tis the Night Before Christmas

'Tis the night before Christmas, and now in the house

There's a creature stirring, though not a mouse.

Santa's coal came already, we're burning it now

(Oh please don't tell me we've all been that bad!)

The parents are all snug in their bed, 

As visions of grandchildren dance through their heads.

And Jered, after bookwork, has settled his brain for the night,

While I at the computer am writing this post.

All day there has been much snow a-fallin',

So dreams of white Christmas are soon to come true.

It covers the lawn, sparkling like diamonds,

Reflecting the gentle glow of the moon.

I'm now getting tired, so I shall bid you good-night,

May your Christmas be happy and light,

Your New Year joyful and bright,

Always following the great Prince of Peace.

This finishes my thoughts

But how shall I stop?

For what you begin, it's not always easy to end.

Good-night one, Good-night all, 

And Merry Christmas, y'all!

November...

I know, I know.  It's been forever since I posted...well, I have a good reason--life was busy!

November was good, busy (like I already said), fun, and...pretty normal!  My favorite parts were definitely cuddling my sweet little nephew...going to Virginia in the first part of the month...company for Thanksgiving...and to top it all off, a donut party [with super fun people and lively games of scum:)] on the last night of the month!  

However...as the winter disliker (I won't quite say hater) that I am...I can't say I'm so thrilled about the cold and snow and ice and...slippery roads.  

By the way, do any of you know the song "Written In Red?"  It's one of my favorites right now...especially the chorus.  So beautiful!  Here's the lyrics, in case you don't know it [or do know it but just wanna read them again:)]

Verse 1
In letters of crimson, God wrote His love
On the hillside so long, long ago;
For you and for me Jesus died, 
And love's greatest story was told.

[Chorus 1]
I love you, I love you
That's what Calvary said;
I love you, I love you, 
I love you, Written in Red

Verse 2
Down through the ages, God wrote His love
With the same hands that suffered and bled;
Giving all that He had to give, 
A message so easily read.

[Chorus 2]
I love you, I love you,
That's what Calvary said; 
I love you, I love you,
I love you.....

Bridge
Oh, precious is the flow, that makes me white as snow;
No other fount I know, nothing but the blood, 
The blood of Jesus.

[Chorus 1]

-Gordon Jensen

Life's Rests

Awhile ago, a friend had sent me a paper with a quote from John Ruskin on it.  I had stuck it away and kind of forgotten about it, but then recently in some of the thing's I've been working through, I remembered it and pulled it back out.  Then tonight, I googled it, when lo and behold, I discover that there was more to the reading than what I'd had.  The title of the reading is "Life's Rests" and I'll post it here for you:

LIFE'S RESTS 

BY: JOHN RUSKIN 1819-1900 

   There is no music in a rest, but there is the making of music in it. In our whole life melody the music is broken off here and there by ''rests,'' and we foolishly think we have come to the end of the tune. God sends a time of forced leisure, sickness, disappointed plans, frustrated efforts, and makes a sudden pause in the choral hymn of our lives, and we lament that our voices must be silent, and our part missing in the music which ever goes up to the ear of the Creator. 
   How does the musician read the rest? See him beat the time with unvarying count, and catch up the next note true and steady, as if no breaking place had come between. 
   Not without design does God write the music of our lives. But be it ours to learn the tune, and not be dismayed at the ''rests.'' 
   They are not to be slurred over nor to be omitted, nor to destroy the melody, nor to change the keynote. If we look up, God Himself will beat the time for us. With the eye on Him, we shall strike the next note full and clear. 
--John Ruskin, the greatest Victorian, bar Victoria, was an artist, scientist, poet, environmentalist, philosopher, and the pre-eminent art critic of his time

And, the copy that I have adds the phrase on the very end, "Because we rested."  
To me, this is powerful.  I don't like to "rest".  Sometimes, I think the rest would be a lot easier if I only knew how long it would be.  I don't like the uncertainty of not knowing when the rest will end and the next note come.  

But the most comforting part about the rest?  Knowing that it IS God Himself beating the timing of my life.  Knowing that He knows the music already, and is preparing me to "strike the next note full and clear."

A Prayer

Tonight I happened to be going through some random documents on the computer, and I found this free verse poem I wrote awhile ago, or I guess it's a prayer in poem form.  This still is my prayer, that I would be open to God's searching my heart and that He would purify my heart.  I hope you can identify!

Your thoughts are not my thoughts,

Neither are Your ways my ways.

You are so much higher

As high as heaven is above the earth-

So are Your thoughts and ways above mine.

Father I pray that You

Would search out and know my heart

Try me, Lord, know my soul!

Sound out its depths – leave nothing hidden.

Leave nothing covered that should be known.

Make in me a clean heart;

Make me hear joy and gladness.

That my soul may rejoice

You desire truth in my inmost heart

So please purify me in Your truth. 

Broken Cisterns

Every time I read Jeremiah 2, verse 13 pretty much jumps at me:

“My people have done two evil things.
    They turned away from me,
    and they dug their own water cisterns.
I am the source of living water;

    those cisterns are broken and cannot hold water." [erv]

I have to think, what are the broken cisterns that I dig for myself?  What is it that I use to try to fill the thirst inside rather than the Living Water?  What do I chase after to bring me fulfillment rather than Jesus?  

The last phrase says alot, I think...no matter what our "cisterns" are, they are broken and cannot hold water.  They will never satisfy, because whatever happiness/relief/etc they bring won't last.  It can't last, it will only make us need more, and more, and more in an attempt to fill the emptiness inside.  That's how addictions work.  They might make us feel happy or satisfied or secure, but only for a short time.  Then we need more to get the good feelings again.  That's how the addiction cycle gets stronger every time we go around it, because our needs are really not met, they are only growing with our futile attempts to fill them.  

"I am the source of Living Water."  God is the only way to truly fill us.  It's only in Him that we can find true fulfillment.  He is the only way to true joy and peace.  

Isaiah 55:1 says, 

"All you people who are thirsty, come!
    Here is water for you to drink."

John 4, verses 10b and 14 say, 

“ If you knew, you would have asked me, and I would have given you living water.”

"But anyone who drinks the water I give will never be thirsty again. The water I give people will be like a spring flowing inside them. It will bring them eternal life.”

I don't know about you, but for me, I choose the living water from God.  I don't want to live my life a slave to addictions that only take me in circles and are more binding all the time. I don't want to always have to keep digging more and deeper "cisterns" to try and fulfill the emptiness inside.  I choose to go to the Fountain of Living Water.

O Love That Wilt Not Let Me Go

"O Love That Wilt Not Let Me Go" has been a favorite song of mine for a while...the lyrics and music together are so beautiful, so majestic, so moving.  And when I learned the story behind the song, I loved it all the more, so I decided to share it here with you. 
"O Love That Wilt Not Let Me Go" was written on the evening of [George] Matheson’s sister’s marriage. Years before, he had been engaged, until his fiancée learned that he was going blind—that there was nothing the doctors could do—and she told him that she could not go through life with a blind man. He went blind while studying for the ministry, and his sister had been the one to care for him through the years, but now she was gone. He was now 40, and his sister’s marriage brought a fresh reminder of his own heartbreak. It was in the midst of this circumstance and intense sadness that the Lord gave Matheson this hymn, which he said was written in five minutes. ~Wikipedia

lyrics from Cyber Hymnal

O Love that wilt not let me go,

I rest my weary soul in thee;

I give thee back the life I owe,

That in thine ocean depths its flow

May richer, fuller be.

O light that followest all my way,

I yield my flickering torch to thee;

My heart restores its borrowed ray,

That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day

May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,

I cannot close my heart to thee;

I trace the rainbow through the rain,

And feel the promise is not vain,

That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,

I dare not ask to fly from thee;

I lay in dust life’s glory dead,

And from the ground there blossoms red

Life that shall endless be.

One interesting note about the lyrics--even though the author was blind and would only have memories of seeing colors, in the last two verses it talks about brilliant colors [rainbow, red] that Matheson looked forward to seeing again in Heaven.

Not Forgotten

So last night, in my continuation of the Psalms, I read Psalm 44.  And two different sections I noticed in particular, probably because they're highlighted in my Bible:).

the first section is vv. 5-8

Through You we will push down our enemies;
Through Your name we will trample those who rise up against us.
 For I will not trust in my bow,
Nor shall my sword save me.
 But You have saved us from our enemies,
And have put to shame those who hated us.
 In God we boast all day long,
And praise Your name forever. Selah   

It's never on my own strength that I can have victory over temptation.  It's never our efforts alone that enable us to rise despite the odds.  It's through God's strength.  It's through dependence on Him that we can conquer sin and Satan. 

the second section is vv.  17 & 18

All this has come upon us;
But we have not forgotten You,
Nor have we dealt falsely with Your covenant.
Our heart has not turned back,
Nor have our steps departed from Your way;

In the few verses between these two sections the Psalmist was talking about how it seemed like God had forgotten them and cast them aside.  And then comes verses 17 and 18.  Even though the Psalmist was feeling God-forsaken and forgotten, he says those verses.  He didn't forget God, or turn his back on God, even in the middle of the storm he was in.  Can those verses be true about me?  Will I turn away from God when it seems like He's forgotten me?  

Mourning to Dancing

 Note:  I have been reading through the Psalms lately, and many of them inspire me so much that I want to post about them, so if I continue to blog post about various Psalms, you know why;).

So the other night, I read Psalm 30.  And the last two verses really stuck out to me, partly because they're highlighted in my Bible, and partly just cuz....well, I love them!

Psalm 30:11,12

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
    you have loosed my sackcloth
    and clothed me with gladness,
 that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
    O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

Mourning into dancing?  Isn't that from one extreme to the other?  YES!  It is!  That's how our God can do it!  He takes our deepest sorrows, pain, and hurt...then guess what He does.  No, you won't have to guess, I'll just tell you, cuz I can't help it--He turns them into joy, beauty, and dancing!  Dancing here is a spontaneous act of uncontrollable joy [source: Talitha's interpretations].  

Our response to this great work of God's is praise and thanksgiving--bubbling out of our hearts for the great work He has done for us.  Know why?  So others can see it, and want it, and seek God because they want it so much!

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

Today, I happened to look up a poem that I'd read awhile ago, that I feel describes many of us (at least everyone who's like me) pretty well, so I decided to share it with y'all.  Now I've looked it up on Google and I realize that there's many different versions of this poem, they all seem to be good but this is the one I saw first so it's the one I've stuck with so far;).

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

Don't be fooled by me.

Don't be fooled by the mask I wear.

For I wear a mask.

I wear a thousand masks--

Masks that I'm afraid to take off.

And none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that is second nature with me, but don't be fooled.

I give the impression that I'm secure.

That all is sunny and unruffled with me

Within as well as without.

That confidence is my name,

And coolness is my game.

That the waters are calm,

And that I am in command, that I need no one.

But don't believe it.

Please don't.

My surface may seem smooth,

But my surface is my mask,

My ever varying and ever concealing mask.

Beneath lies no smugness, no coolness, no complacence.

Beneath dwells the real me

In confusion, in fear, in loneliness.

But I hide this.

I don't want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of being exposed.

That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind--

A nonchalant, sophisticated facade to help me pretend,

To shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation--

My only salvation, and I know it.

It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself--

From my own self-built prison walls,

From the barriers I so painstakingly erect.

But I don't tell you this.  I don't dare.

I'm afraid to.

I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by love and acceptance.

I'm afraid that you'll think less of me. 

That you'll laugh, and that your laugh will kill me.

I'm afraid that deep down I'm nothing,

That I'm just no good,

And that you'll see, and reject me.

So I play my games, my desperate pretending games.

With a facade of assurance on the outside,

And a trembling child within.

And so begins the parade of masks--

The glittering, but empty parade of masks,

And my life becomes a front.

I idly chatter with you in the smooth tones of surface talk.

I tell you everything that's really nothing--

Nothing of what's crying within me.

So when I'm going through my routine,

Don't be fooled by what I'm saying.

Please listen carefully and try to hear what I am not saying--

What I'd like to be able to say,

What for survival I need to say,

But I can't say.

I dislike the hiding--honestly I do.

I dislike the superficial phony games I'm playing.

I'd really like to be genuine, spontaneous and me.

But you have to help me--

You have to help me by holding out your hand

Even when that's the last thing I seem to want or need.

Each time you are kind and gentle, and encouraging,

Each time you try to understand because you really care,

My heart begins to grow wings--

Very small wings, very feeble wings, but wings.

With your sensitivity and sympathy and power of understanding,

I can make it.

You can breathe life into me.

It will not be easy for you.

A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.

But love is stronger than strong walls--

And therein lies my hope.

Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands,

But with gentle hands--

For a child is very sensitive, and I am a child.

Who am I, you may wonder?

I am someone you know very well.

For I am every man, every woman, every child, every human you meet.

~Anonymous

Desiring for & Waiting on God

So last night, I read Psalm 27, and two verses in particular stuck out to me: verse 4 and verse 14.  Partly because I hear them pretty often, and partly because, well, they're just so meaningful!

Verse 4:

One thing I have desired of the Lord,

That will I seek:

That I may dwell in the house of the Lord

All the days of my life,

To behold the beauty of the Lord,

And to inquire in His temple.

Notice that "one thing."  Not "I have a list of about five things that I desire from God," but ONE thing.  So often I find myself tending to make lists of the things I desire from God, and those lists tend to be rather long.  But what really matters?  Just that one thing.  To dwell In the house of the Lord.  To see His beauty there.  And that is what our strength needs to be focused on.  That's what we need to seek.  

In eternity, our fame/wealth/looks will not be what gets us into Heaven.  It will be how much we sought after God.

verse 14:

Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!

Wow.  I'm not a patient person by nature, so you can imagine that for me to "wait on God," oh my.  I want what I want right now!  I don't like to wait for God to work things out.  But did you notice the third line?  When we DO have the courage to really truly wait on the Lord, He will strengthen our hearts.  Our wait will be more than rewarded.  The blessings of truly waiting on God far outweigh the benefits of having it "right now."  

Our faith will be strengthened, our love for God will be proven, and the goodness of our God will be shown as we wait.  

Healing Begins

lyrics
So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

[chorus:]
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

[chorus]

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us
[chorus]

~Tenth Avenue North


This song was running through my mind tonight...it's really what I needed to hear tonight.  I know that I tend to try to build strong walls...afraid of being vulnerable.  Afraid of my past being seen.  Afraid of being rejected because of it. 

 But there is peace waiting for when the walls come falling down.  Love and joy waiting for surrender.  So let your walls fall down, and let yourself fall into Jesus' arms.  The peace, the love, and the joy is worth the pain.  I promise.

2013 kids!!

So, as some of you know, my family has several goats.  Well, this week the goats started having babies!  So far we've had 6 kids from 3 goats, and they came in 3 sets of twins.

Here's the first set of twins, born Tuesday morning--both little boys:)

The second set, born Wednesday morning--the white one is a boy and the spotted one is a girl.

And this is the last set, born Wednesday afternoon, and they're both girlies:)

And none of them are named yet.  Any ideas? :)

It's Friday...

Today as I was thinking about it being Good Friday and Sunday is Easter, and that (I think) Easter is about my favorite holiday of the year, but there would be no Easter if Good Friday had never happened...and these lyrics of what is probably my favorite Good Friday songs came to mind.
lyrics credit to lyricsfreak
By Tree63
Nothing’s sacred, the days are cheap 
Truth is thin on the ground 
Still our prophets are crucified 
Nobody believes we’re stumbling 
It’s Friday, but Sunday is coming 

Someone’s saying a prayer tonight 
For hungry mouths to be filled 
Someone kneels in the dark somewhere 
And darkness is already crumbling 
It’s Friday, but Sunday comes 

Sunday – Hallelujah – it’s not so far, it’s not so far away 
Sunday – Hallelujah – it’s not so far, it’s not so far away 

Broken promises, weary hearts 
But one promise remains: 
Crucified, he will come again 
It’s Friday, but Sunday is coming 
It’s Friday, but Sunday is coming 

Sunday…

To me, the last verse is especially powerful.  Regardless of how many other promises are broken by people, hurting us deeply, His promises are always true.  He is always faithful, and hope will come when we hold on.  Now matter how dark the Friday night of your life is, Sunday morning will come.

my (hectic, boring, insane, random) life

So, I got home from vacation a week ago.  And yes, it was awesome (think warm [like 70*] weather, sunshine, and fun friends!) but being home again is good in it's own way.  Even though my first reaction when I got home: BRRR!!  Yes, NY feels so cold again after I got spoiled in nice warm AR.  But spring is coming, yes it is, I'm sure it is. :)
Tonight we had Kid's Club again.  It feels great to be back among those dear kids.  Yes, that includes the times when the only thing you say is "sh, sh, sh" all night long and it seems like what we're trying to teach them rolls off just like water off a duck's back.  But then I remember, we're not hear to make them behave like angels, saying and doing all the right things.  We're here to plant seeds of Truth in these young lives.  We're here to pray for them, to be their friends, and to point them to Jesus, who needs to be their very best friend.  God help us!
I'm nearly done school!  This is such an AMAZING feeling!  I may continue on in some of my favorite subjects but my formal, mandatory schooling will be OVER!  
Aaannnddd, we're expecting to see the first baby goats the end of this week and next week.  Even though I'm not nearly as into the animals as I was when I was younger, I still get excited when the kids come.  Until I have to force milk down a stubborn kid that refuses to take its bottle, but hey, they're cute anyway!

Of Quizzing and Vacation

This evening, like we do every spring, my church had Bible quizzing for the evening service.  We were quizzing on Romans 12:1-12 and Psalm 23.  Now you have to realize, there are some folks in my church who are amazing quizzers and quick jumpers and have all the verses perfectly memorized.  And there are others -- like me -- who are not very quick jumpers, and only skimmed over the verses a few times this afternoon, but enjoy the exhilaration of being up on stage and doing my best to actually be the first off the pad.  Well, I never got that honor tonight, but I must admit that I still enjoyed trying:).
On Wednesday, I will begin my two-week vacation!  And yes, I'm plenty excited!  Mom and I will head down to Marysville and meeting Laurena there, and I will travel the rest of the way to Virginia.  After spending a couple days there with Laurena, I'll be heading on out to Arkansas with a young family (Mike & Sarah, Josh) who lives in the same area of VA as Laurena.  In AR, I get to spend a little over a week with my dear friend, Hannah.  And the reason for this trip?  The wedding of another friend - Maria (to DJ) - on March 16.  Thanks to Maria (and DJ, lol)  for the excuse to take a vacation!  Oh, and as far as coming back...current plans are to ride back to VA with the Mike & Sarah, then Ria will come to VA and pick me up to bring me back home.  Clear as mud, eh?:)

Some thoughts on the Crucifixion

Through the past while I've slowly been reading through the Gospel of John.  Last night I read chapter 19, John's account of Jesus' condemnation, beatings, crucifixion and burial.

And as I read I thought about the various things I've heard about how cruel the Roman scourgings and crucifixions were.  That led me to thinking, "Jesus lived through that scourging which killed many people.  It was not a 'chance' that He lived through that.  To fulfill the Plan He had to be crucified, even though it meant enduring so much pain before He ever got to the Cross.  He carried the Cross, beaten, bloody, and weak as He was.  He felt the nails being pounded into His wrists and feet, even though every nerve in His human body must have screamed, 'NO!'
Worst of all was the feeling of being forsaken by His Father.  The physical pain probably would have seemed much less painful if only He could have felt the Father's nearness.  Psalm 22:24 tells us that God did not hide His face, and that He heard the cry of His Son.  But for the sake of all humanity, the Sacrifice must feel the entire weight of our sin.  The just and jealous God required the sacrifice to be paid, though His Father heart wept to see His only begotten Son hanging on a cross, crying for the Father, and hearing His own righteous Name mocked by the crowd.
But the Father and Son had planned this before the earth was created. This was not some backup plan, this was the Master Plan.  So the plan must be completed, cost what it did.  God would have done this if only Adam had sinned.  He would have done this if only you or I would have sinned.  
In my mind, the whole scene takes only 2 words to describe it -- sin and love.  Those 2 words capture a picture that human's greatest happiness and deepest pain cannot match.  The sin -- needed to be removed, and though the animal sacrifices covered the sin for a time, they never removed the sin but it was remembered each year (Hebrews 10:1-4, 11).  The love -- (John 3:16) Because He loved, He gave the ultimate sacrifice, the ONLY one which could ever remove the sin.  
The Father's heart wept.  The Son lived through agony, was abandoned by all disciples, died a robber's death on false charges, all for the love that they bore to you, me, and all humanity.
Folks, if this isn't love, there is no love.  If this doesn't describe love at its height, nothing will ever be love.

Because of the Cross, we are justified.  And because of the resurrection, we must also be sanctified through His living in us.

This Poem from Awhile back...

About a year and a half ago, I wrote this (free verse, because I simply can't rhyme) poem...nothing special, just what was in my heart.  Anyway, I started thinking about it again recently, and decided to share it with y'all...

I keep looking down
Despair fills my heart.
Regret and the old hurts
Are dragging me down, again.
 
I refuse to look up
And faith is left out
I am without hope
I try to hide-it hurts so much
The shame goes so deep,
I don't wanna be seen
 
The battle continues
Until at last I yield-
I look up to the Father
And with trembling voice
I cry for forgiveness
 
Now...Faith enters my heart
And peace floods my soul
With tear stained face turned upward
The Father's love can flow into me.
 
I raise my hands,
Surrendering all that held me down.
And You pick me up
To hold me in Your arms
 
Overwhelmed and lost
In Your awesome love
I am content.
Let the world go by
Let the storms rage,
But I am safe.
 
Cuz I am Yours,
Now and forever
I am Yours!

comments or criticism, anyone?

the magic of snow...

So last evening it dumped around three inches of snow here, and this morning or so we got another couple inches.  While I'm not really fond of walking or driving in snow, I do like to look out the window at it :).  
Anyway, in my looking out the windows last night and this morning, the trees were so pretty.  With gleaming whiteness accentuating each twig, I just couldn't resist taking some pictures. 

The tree outside my upstairs bedroom window, taken last night. And yes, that's the reflection of me and the camera that you see. I call that effect. lol

A tree outside our back window, also taken last night.

this is along the road (I took it when I went outside to get the mail:]) and that's our chicken fence weighed down with snow...

pure beauty, in my opinion:)

This is a shot from our back window across our ravine.

Unfortunately, the camera fell far short of capturing half of the beauty out there, so you can only see the toned-down versions of it:).

But doesn't that make you want to just have a cup of hot chocolate and a good book and  curl up in front of the wood fire?! :)